[Laughter] [music] ding, ding,
Ding, we are back.
Welcome to tosh.0 it is my job
Making sure you watch tv like a
Good american.
Il be wearing thick kicks.
For the ladies.
[Screaming].
Everyone knows it is the shoe
That makes the out fit these
Puppies glow in the barque
Dark.
They fit in the positions
You <.> A pair for yourself
Go -- Yourself you can't get
These.
Tonight we smell d i fight for
Gay rights and we watch
Toddlers
Get to second base.
Either he is making a statement
About the inequality between
The
Classes or like smashing his
Metal donning in a coat rack.
Bravo my friend, bravo.
That's how you know dinner is
Ready at travolta's house.
Before we go further, i
Want
To take a moment to talk to you
John travolt a. 3 masseuses
Accused of you jerking them off
During a massage.
I'm going to give you the
Opportunity to come on my show
And set the record straight.
I will strip down and give you
A
Completely nude full service 2
Hour hot oil swedish massage
Free of charge.
If you want to tip that is
Fine.
If my hands don't get you
Aroused you are officially the
Straightest man alive and you
Will hold most of your stress
In
The crouch region i will
Nobodying us on that area the
Whole time the ball's in your
Court, john.
Here is a not so bright idea.
First world record attempt
Breaking 575 wat light bulbs
Over nie head.
I'm guessing that's not the
First time he disappointed his
Mom.
It is a shame breaking that
Recoveried turned his whole
Life
Around.
For not using comp pact
Floresent bulbs.
Yea that scar will not be
Highly
Visible.
[Laughter].
Seems joe camel's unhealthy 4r6
Style caught up to him.
A beer bolth you can eat
Koors has out done itself.
Swallowing glass is good for
Animal's digestion.
Thank goodness.
Redeem your bolth i thabl is
Worth 5 reams.
I like to point out that is the
Same haircut mike meyers had
For
20 years.
Soccer really was the beautiful
Game hooligans would t put on
Puppet shows to stay awake.
[Laughter] madagascar 3 looks
Edgy.
This is also why that lion
Attacked sigfreed.
I can't see the game could you
Put down your giant donning
Sign?
I was in the visitor section of
That game and let me tell you
We
Did not take kindly to their
Taunts.
I have always said the
Sporters are my least favorite
Minor league club.
Now, who wants to see a leg
Break?
We can ship it.
Or so you do, you will see a 15
Year old girl with a bicycle
Hand brake stuck in her leg,
Show it.
The tour dememphis claims
Another victim.
Lady this is is why we invented
Stationary bikes for you.
On the up side you got a great
New place to stash your chap
Sticks.
What's next?
Looks like someone brought a 12
Ton bus to a sword fight.
Now we will see if he will pass
Through it like bill cosby in
Ghost dad in this ek's break
Down.
Welcome to another stupid
College division at the
University of texas 8 and 5
Season means drunk students
Attacking each other brave
Heart
Style.
Texas is pen state without the
Dirty summer camp.
There is something awfully
Familiar about that one black
Guy there.
[Laughter].
Hold the beats is that obama?
Come on, man, you can't dress
Like our first black president
In george w.'S first backyard
That is more threatening than a
Hoody.
If i were black next to a pack
Of white southern guys i would
Not wait for the walk signal
Either much the prk problem
Wi
Wearing masks is it kills your
Perative vision.
Texas is where all
Presidents go to get murdered.
Time to swear in fake joe
Bido
At least he made progress 50
Years he would have to get hit
By the back of the bus.
Yay!
He is alive hang in for 3
Months
To get an obama approved doctor
To see you.
For that we thank you.
We will be back with the web
Redeposition but first i hope
For your sake he sdnlt make
Bail.
I will get you --
[Applause]
[Singing]
Find out if your man has
Been jogging that boner blood
Hound was sing the most
Beautiful ballad the world has
Ever known smell yo dick.
How about checking his text
While you were asleep like a
Normal psycho.
The real problem is cheating it
Is monogamy every manments to
Cheat if your boyfriend is
Faithful know he is miserable.
I'm sorry i did what evolution
Programmed me to do attracted
To someone you shared a
Bathroom with for 20 years
Swans meat for life because
They have tiny brains and all
Girl swans have the same sized
Tits.
Mary cheated onoseph with god
And that worked out well for
All of us and cheating created
A del if you are dating a girl
That is sing please, screw
Around on her so we will have a
Beautiful song to cry to next
Year.
I still wanted to make the
West tosh pnt ho this week's
Web redemption.
I'm here sorry i'm te.
Traffic was a bitch.
Traffic?
Let me smell your --
You know eric big baby he
Called me i have a song i need
To you get on, i'm like, okay,
What is it about.
How old is that song.
6 years i was 17.
>>You were 17 when you were --
17 years old and that is
Something no one mentss to talk
About but it is true.
Were you worried about asking a
17 year old girl to smell your
Dick.
I didn't ask her to smell mine.
She was 17 and about to turn
18.
Women have guys and they come
Home late you call and text and
They don't answer when they get
Back you say, let me smell your
Dick.
You smell a man's penis
Yes.
You shouldn't cheat.
I never cheated on a girl.
I don't believe that.
If i don't want to be a
Relationship i'm honest and i
Get out of the relationship.
Okay.
I throw that dick every where.
[Laughter].
This song come from a
Personal place, had you been
Cheating on someone?
I have cheated.
Have they asked to smell
Your dick.
What does a cheating dick
Smell like?
You have to ask a dick
Smeller.
What should i do if i come
Home at 4 in the morning and my
Girlfriendments to smell my
Dick what should i do.
Don't come home.
They did 4 versions you did
A clean version.
E is called smell your nic.
Smell your weeny.
They want to know the real
Stuff.
I gotcha.
Smell your goo gun.
Disco stick.
Smell your 1 eyed worm.
No.
What is the difference with
The smell of a nut cannon and
The balls.
What is the nut cannon,
Your dick.
Dependses if you are sishg
Up sized you have all that fat
Left out whatever.
That's what carries the
Smell the balls.
You need to hold them.
You know why i don't want you
Holding them it gives you too
Much power.
[Laughter].
Your song is a masterpiece
And i think it sderss the
Utmost respect.
Are you ready to give a
Performance of a lifetime?
Most definitely.
Kwleer clear
[Applause]singing] [music]
Mraus mraus
[Applause] special thanks
To the wonderful parent who is
Let their children sing about
Dick on my show.
Before we go here is yu don't
Let the rookie terrorist use
The bazooka.
Don't go gay it is not
Healthy
Any crazy woman can blab on
How wrong she thinks the gays
Are.
I'm a city could you think man
For nebraska.
Into the anus to rupture
Intest eyewitness.
Spell penis and not anus.
More a man does is more
Likely he will be a fatality or
Homicider.
After annal i'm too tired.
Without clothe in a bathtub
Every one found without clothes
Has a partner who did away with
Him.
That partner is cocaine.
Gays rarely live past 40
Because it is common for a
Partner to do away with them or
They self inflict.
You have to stop that is
Not true there are plenty of
Old gays, see vincent.
What are you 60.
Anus licking causes sepsis.
Do you consider that part
Of the anus?
A darker brown area.
High percent of gay men in
School grounds molest boys
Partly because they don't have
Aids yet.
Less chance of aids, got
It.
Be on the side of the
Innocent boy.
If you don't stop laughing
I will ask to come back for a
Private meeting with me and
Vincent.
Fungus gross hugely on a
Corps.
Aids can be a fungus disease.
Kissed by a homo who tried to
Sabotage jesus' kind ideas.
You have to choose.
A third option?
Throw a chicken in the mix.
The problem i have with happy
Gillmore's grandma is she is
Not a resident of lincoln.
Bunch of homo phobes there.
Got 2 viewers losing their
Minds, i don't think that is
True.
Don't forget to go to our blog
To be a viewer video this
Week's winner is from jim and
Anthony king.
Why are drawing me.
I don't see what the fuss
Is b. We will be back with
More.
Welcome back thank you for all
Your birthday wishes.
Good news the tosh brand is
Growing on september 25th i
Will have mian mated show.
Brickel berry.
I play a cute bear cub named
Maloi.
Would you like to meet him.
I got raped.
I have been told i have a lot
Of range as a voice actor.
A skate boarder kid gets a web
Redemption.
And that is how you gleam
The cube.
Is twitter still around?
Follow me on that.
Keep up with our blog, can't
Wait for that thing to go
Public.
I got in on the ground floor,
Check out our store while we
Were gone people were creeped
Out by time's cover with a 5
Year old boy sucking on his
Mama's tit that he is immature.
Breast feeding is a natural and
Beautiful act it strengthens
The bond with mother and child
And breast feeding is a
Loophole for getting melons on
Comedy central.
[Music] see you next week for
The best sans in the